This is not my ceiling
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
