I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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