had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
