my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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