how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
