I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize