my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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