chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
