How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
