I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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