I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
