I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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