So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
