yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
