is wine microwaveable?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
