Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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