you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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