he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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