Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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