He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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