Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
