3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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