I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize