i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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