am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
