paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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