Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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