not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
