I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
