Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
