Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
