Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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