I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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