If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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