How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
