on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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