hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
