i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
