Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
