matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize