Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
