did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize