Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's blow job season.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
