he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
