PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
