So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
