I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
