Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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