tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
