i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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