i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
