they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
