Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
