Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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