Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
