call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
