this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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