It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
