whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
