i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
