Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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