Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
