guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
