I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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