Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
