I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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