after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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