dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
