You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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