It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
