how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
