Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
