Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
