Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
