why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
