And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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