on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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