Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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