His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
