well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
