what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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