I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
