2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wear drunk well.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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