Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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