Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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