Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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