After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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