I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
