Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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