So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
