We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
