We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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