He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she pinky promised me she was 18
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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