Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
