Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
