Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
