If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
