So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
