i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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