Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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