Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
