she was so not down for the gang bang
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
