Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
