do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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