Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
