one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
