whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
