It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
