Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
