Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
