fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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