I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
