he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
