Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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