Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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