i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
