My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
