I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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