So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
